cheating technicalities (did i spell that right?)

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muma
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cheating technicalities (did i spell that right?)

Postby muma » Tue Jan 29, 2002 8:39 am

.sorry

[This message has been edited by muma (edited 04-09-2002).]
Elseenas
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Postby Elseenas » Tue Jan 29, 2002 9:09 am

Purely hypothetically, of course Image

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Elseenas of No House Worth Mentioning
gogk
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Postby gogk » Tue Jan 29, 2002 9:42 am

well depends on
1. were you sober at the time.
2. were either of you in a different area code. although i like to use zipcode cause it expands the posibilities.
3. did he/she anger you to the point of insanty b4 it happened.

there are other reasons why it wouldnt be.
pick one that suits your needs.
if the one you feel isnt here, believe in it real hard and stick by it. making it true to yourself is all that counts.

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Gogk, Everyone Picks On The Fat Kid
Abue
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Postby Abue » Tue Jan 29, 2002 12:59 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by muma:
<B>ok so, is cheating on a boyfriend who is married to someone else....technically cheating in the first place? i mean it's all sort of confusing

-muma</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It all depends on if you cheated on your boyfriend with your boyfriends wife.

Another thing I found brought some tension to the situation was if you are hanging all over your boyfriend at the bar and the wife is sitting at the next table... but then again you didn't ask about that.
rylan
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Postby rylan » Tue Jan 29, 2002 1:02 pm

So you're saying that the boyfriend is married already? Well, that makes him slime in the first place..

If ya found out the dude was married before 'cheating' on him, then I wouldn't call it cheating.
Gort
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Postby Gort » Tue Jan 29, 2002 2:16 pm

Punt
Ashiwi
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Postby Ashiwi » Tue Jan 29, 2002 2:23 pm

Totally silly question. Any woman who sees a married man obviously has fidelity issues anyway. Apparently if she sleeps with anything that comes along, it can't really be called 'cheating' right?

The worst kind of woman is one who causes that kind of pain to another woman, because she knows how she'd feel in that situation if it were done to her.
Klurg
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Postby Klurg » Tue Jan 29, 2002 2:30 pm

Bahh to hell with commitment... More porn to the people!! Ron Jeremy for president!

/Klurg
cherzra
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Postby cherzra » Tue Jan 29, 2002 3:05 pm

Ron Jeremy owns! Ron Jeremy for president!

Peter North for vice president!
Magruk Eat Elf
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Postby Magruk Eat Elf » Tue Jan 29, 2002 4:48 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by muma:
<B>ok so, is cheating on a boyfriend who is married to someone else....technically cheating in the first place? i mean it's all sort of confusing

-muma</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

1) If your boyfriend is married, and you go after another piece of meat that walks by, it's not cheating, you have issues.

2) If your boyfriend "IS MARRIED" it's considered adultery, and you "CAN" go to jail at least in the US if "Mrs. Boyfriend" wants to press any kind of charges. Also if you believe in the bible "I don't I'm agnostic, so sue me" it's also a sin.

3) And in the off chance a response comes back with, oh he's getting a divorce, they're seperated, as long as they are still "legally wed" don't matter. And if they're willing to cheat on "Mrs. Boyfriend" why take it seriously, more then likely if you want to develop something he'll just cheat on you when he gets tired of you too.
Galkar
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Postby Galkar » Tue Jan 29, 2002 5:24 pm

Think about it this way. "Cheating" is a term that is used loosely. Frankly, if there is no wedding ring or vows, you can do whatever the hell you want. If you're dating person A, and decide to have a fling with person B, you're not breaking any "rules," only promises between you and person A, if any were made at all. Now, that said, it will certainly piss off person A to no extent, and they will call it cheating and probably break up with you. But the only thing you're at fault for is upsetting them.
However, if you are married to person A, and have a fling with person B, that's a Whole other story.

In your case, the boyfriend is commiting adultery, plain and simple, but whether or not you view that as wrong comes down to how the marriage is, why he's cheating, etc. IMHO, since you're not married, like I said above, you can do whatever you want without breaking any rules. If he were with you (while married) because he loved you and his marriage sucked, and you "supposedly" cheated on him, and threw back at him that "hey, you're commiting adultery with me, so I'm not technically cheating on you!" that would be messed up in the sense that you're using his issues to getcha some. But, it's still your right, since you two aren't wedded or engaged. Think about why he's commiting adultery, and why he's with you in the first place, and decide if it's worth it to you to chance loosing him.

Now, all this said, I want to state that what I said above does not reflect my own actions in relationships. I have not and will not EVER sleep with someone other than the person I am dating at the time. I personally hate it. I can't stand it. I have ill feelings towards those who do it. If I want to sleep with person b that bad while dating person a, I will break up with person a first.

Above, I was just stating what I believe the rules of relationships are. It's the way the world works. Unless you are married, all you do when cheating is get a little booty and piss someone off. When married, well, all forking hell breaks loose.

And just so yo uknow muma, I'm living with and dating someone who is married to someone else, and going through a very rough divorce atm. She deserves much better than that damn sob offered, so I doing my best to give her that and support her in every way possible. She's the best damn thing to ever happen to me, though she hates the mud! Image hehehe

Galkar
taelin
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Postby taelin » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:22 pm

Do you feel guilty? The answer to that question is likely the best answer you'll get for your question.

Cheating is breaking someones trust and commitment. If the relationship has those things then yes you are. If it doesn't you can't break them.

Sobu
Agela
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Postby Agela » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:27 pm

Well ,, obviously your boyfriend cheats on his wife. He is a cheater. This does not make it right for you to cheat though. I just don't think you should be in the relationship at all unless you feel like it's okay to have multiple partners. Just my take on it. If you feel okay about cheating then go ahead even though i don't personally think that will be good for you. The best thing for you would be to have a healthy relationship where you know you are respected. Then you will not feel a need to cheat. Smile .. You are still wonderful! You don't deserve all this headache.
moritheil
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Postby moritheil » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:32 pm

Think about it this way.

If you need to read all those responses, you may have bigger things to worry about than said question itself.
Aderon
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Postby Aderon » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:36 pm

This thread must die
Dalar
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Postby Dalar » Tue Jan 29, 2002 6:41 pm

cheating is bad. just b/c he is cheating doesn't mean u can. two wrongs don't make a right, blah blah blah.
on the other hand, Glorishan lives in montana wink wink
and another thing, why even date a married man? that relationship is probably gonna go nowhere. and he's cheated once b4, he'll cheat on you and his wife again i bet.

[This message has been edited by Dalar (edited 01-29-2002).]
Cerlayne
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Postby Cerlayne » Tue Jan 29, 2002 10:06 pm

if two people have an understanding that they are 'together'... whether married engaged dating whatever... then fooling around... without the partner knowing... with anyone else is cheating... pretty simple to me... trying to justify why is only an attempt to not have to feel guilty.... whether it be i was drunk... we had an arguement.. he wants to leave his wife... they are all just attempts to justify the actions... i also think that any woman fooling around with a married man most likely has additional issues that she needs to deal with... i have a very hard time dealing with people who cheat on their spouses and seem to find nothing wrong with it.. shrugs that's just me...

Cerly
Kasula
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Postby Kasula » Tue Jan 29, 2002 10:40 pm

if you have to ask... than its is cheating!
use this in any situation... if you have to ask than the opposite is true. for example:
is this too expensive? yes it is!
is this cheating? yes it is!
am i jackass? yes you are!
this is a great trick to help you through life...
thank your Uncle Kasula!

thank god for free porn! (or the devil!)
Tasan
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Postby Tasan » Tue Jan 29, 2002 11:36 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by cherzra:
<B>Ron Jeremy owns! Ron Jeremy for president!

Peter North for vice president!</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

T.T. Boy for Secretary of the Interior! rofl!

Twyl
Teva
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Postby Teva » Wed Jan 30, 2002 3:02 am

This sort of touches on my personal life so I can't sit by and not respond. Forgive me. :>

My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now and for the entirety of our relationship he's been married to another woman. They were together when him and I first met, though neither were happy with the relationship. Her and I spent a lot of time together and became good friends. I spent a lot of time at their place (they lived on the same property as me) and I got to know him. We became friends as well.
One day him and I were alone in the house and things just sort of happened. We realized that we had feelings for each other and shortly thereafter he asked his wife to leave.
Him and I are still together and she is living with her girlfriend in her own apartment doing much better for herself than she was when they were married. He is now in college and we live together as we have since the day he asked her to leave.
The question occurs to me sometimes if I'm doing something morally wrong.. well, I guess that depends on your morals. By him and I getting together 3 peoples lives were changed, and not for the worst.
People say "He did it once, he'll do it again" but I know better. Mainly because he knows if he did something like that to me I'd kick his ass. I'm secure in the relationship and I don't view it as a mistake.
Situations occur and the way you react to them doesn't make you a bad person. Cheating isn't a "sin" if the relationship you're in is loveless. If you love the person you're with, but harbor desires for someone else, at least have the respect to tell the person you love how you feel before you go sleep with other people.

I'm kinda rambling now so I'll shut up.

------------------
I fling poo.
Kallinar
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Postby Kallinar » Wed Jan 30, 2002 3:09 am

*loves Teva*

MOO
Lithius
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Postby Lithius » Wed Jan 30, 2002 10:02 pm

Heya Muma,

Watch the movie Road Trip, they'll tell you.

Limfor/Lithius
Ashiwi
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Postby Ashiwi » Wed Jan 30, 2002 10:46 pm

Nothing "just happens" in that realm. If you "just happen" to fall into bed with the husband of a good friend, then there are some serious impulsive issues there. Any man who left a woman to be with you is capable of leaving you to be with another woman, especially if he left a commitment, which is what a marriage is. If he can't even bother to get a divorce from the woman he's still married to, then he obviously doesn't want to share that commitment with you, or at least you're not important enough to him for him to go to that trouble. So three people's lives were changed, and not for the worst... there weren't other ways to accomplish that which would serve to build a stronger foundation for a future relationship?

I'm not trying to judge you, Teva, but facts is facts. Women do this to themselves all the time, accepting so much less than they're worthy of, yet convincing themselves that they have something so much better than what they deserve. You asked a man to show how little he could be trusted so that you could give him all your trust. It never ceases to amaze me that women can do this to themselves over, and over, and over, and still pull the wool over their own eyes about how they must be the luckiest girl in the world to have a fellow who is willing to do that.
Ashiwi
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Postby Ashiwi » Wed Jan 30, 2002 11:29 pm

Oh, and I apologize if that sounded insulting, which certainly wasn't my intent.
Taegost
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Postby Taegost » Thu Jan 31, 2002 2:48 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ashiwi:
<B>Nothing "just happens" in that realm. If you "just happen" to fall into bed with the husband of a good friend, then there are some serious impulsive issues there. Any man who left a woman to be with you is capable of leaving you to be with another woman, especially if he left a commitment, which is what a marriage is. If he can't even bother to get a divorce from the woman he's still married to, then he obviously doesn't want to share that commitment with you, or at least you're not important enough to him for him to go to that trouble. So three people's lives were changed, and not for the worst... there weren't other ways to accomplish that which would serve to build a stronger foundation for a future relationship?

I'm not trying to judge you, Teva, but facts is facts. Women do this to themselves all the time, accepting so much less than they're worthy of, yet convincing themselves that they have something so much better than what they deserve. You asked a man to show how little he could be trusted so that you could give him all your trust. It never ceases to amaze me that women can do this to themselves over, and over, and over, and still pull the wool over their own eyes about how they must be the luckiest girl in the world to have a fellow who is willing to do that.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Y'know, as a guy, I've noticed that quite a bit... Of course, I've ALSO noticed that BECAUSE I am a guy, I should never point that out...
It actually kinda tore me apart in one case, there was a girl I was friends with, and I was, hell, I still am, even after all these years, madly in love with, but she wouldn't go out with me...
But she's dated just about every slimebull and scumbag that I've met in my travels, and I've watched them beat her up (Well, I can't say I WATCHED that, because somehow they ended up in the ICU...), I've watched them cheat on her, do things behind her back, even talk trash about her, while she's in the room...
Yet she still stays with them, and would never dream of going out with me, because all I've ever done for her has been FOR her....
Anyhoo....
/rant

Now I'm all worked up and pissed off, damn I wish I could leave work early!! Image

Addendum: And BECAUSE she tolerated, and even welcomed that treatment, is why I, no matter how deeply I feel for her, will EVER consider being with her, in any way...
Life's a bitch, then you die...

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Taegost, The one and ONLY STUPER DRUID(tm)

[This message has been edited by Taegost (edited 01-30-2002).]
muma
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Postby muma » Thu Jan 31, 2002 3:49 am

wow, taegost all i can say is *cry* that is sad Image Does she know u love her? Have you tried being persistant with her and stuff?

oh yea and btw to other ppl.....i cannot be offended seriously, so don't worry about saying that i have issues or whatever, cos i admit that i do.
Kallinar
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Postby Kallinar » Thu Jan 31, 2002 9:56 am

Eh..as I am the guy Teva is with, and my morals are being questioned, lemmie give you my share of the cheating thing.

My wife Megan is a really nice person when she wants to be. One of the problems is that she is a confirmed lesbian. She now lives with a friend she used to role-play with on a star wars web chat. Star Wars is her obsession, almost to the point of religious fanaticism. Sex was the only thing on her mind when we were together and it never seemed right for her, so she could never get enough, and she used to be very abusive towards me when I wouldn't "give it up". Some guys might say, "WTF is wrong with you? sex all the time?"
If you had a woman that was almost 300 pounds wanting sex from you all the freaking time, when you have been breaking your back all day doing menial labor to barely make ends meet and to keep food in her mouth and a roof over her head, while still catching a beating from her, you would have a problem with it too. To top it all off, she spent 8 months in the house not lifting a finger to help out. The landlord threatend 4 times to kick us out if we didn't clean the place up. I usually ended up doing the dishes, the laundry, the cooking, the dusting, taking out the trash, and cleaning the house in general. That is not a marriage. That was me taking care of a 22 year old child.

As for divorcing her, I want to, the problem is that my grants do not allow me to have a job. I have to be a FULL time student. I fully plan on divorcing her when I have the money and the time to do it. Since Teva and I are not of the mainstream faiths (Christianity, Judaeism, ect ect) we don't view our actions as bad. We are supportive of each other, love each other dearly, and have been through a lot of shit together.

I am not a wicked man. I asked my wife to leave on the grounds that I was afraid either she would kill me, or I would kill her. It was driving me insane, it was affecting my work, and it was affecting my relationships with friends and family. Teva is the one thing in my life thus far that I look forward to seeing every single day, and nothing anyone can say or do will change that.

Understanding is the first step to achieving empathy.

Kallinar
Moo on you.

[This message has been edited by Kallinar (edited 01-31-2002).]
Gort
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Postby Gort » Thu Jan 31, 2002 10:14 pm

Kallinor--- Moo!---


Glad things are in a happier state, all we truly have to worry about is being true to our hearts, and communicating honestly with the people we're involved with. If they accept that we are interested in doing certain things, they are accepting the "package" that is us. If they don't, they can choose to not be in that relationship, and we both move on.

I know several people that are into polyamory, and don't hold relationship bounds, but do communicate their wants/needs/desires before making any physical plunge. They seem very happy in their setting, and are only troubled by public opinion when it slaps them in the face. I respect them, but their way of life isn't mine.

Luck to you all!

Toplack
Taegost
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Postby Taegost » Thu Jan 31, 2002 10:34 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by muma:
<B>wow, taegost all i can say is *cry* that is sad Image Does she know u love her? Have you tried being persistant with her and stuff?

oh yea and btw to other ppl.....i cannot be offended seriously, so don't worry about saying that i have issues or whatever, cos i admit that i do.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ya, she does. I tried every which way, I was laid-back and let things go, I was assertive, and there were several times I was almost aggresive in my pursuits, trying to find which suited her most...
Closest I ever got was when we'd go out to parties (We spent almost every waking moment together) and she'd get drunk, she'd get... Frisky...
But I don't care for that, either say it when you're sober, or nothing it going to happen, especially with a friend.
As of right now, it's been years since I've said more then "Hey, how are ya?" and I haven't seen her in like, 3 years.
But, time moves on, and so do I, just not as quickly as I'd hope.
I don't let it get me down anymore, it kinda falls under that "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" type of deal.
I'd just like to find someone like me, except mebbe a little older, even tho I'm older now, I still have little tolerance for women my age...
I think it comes from being raised by my mom and spending a lot of time with her friends hehe


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Taegost, The one and ONLY STUPER DRUID(tm)
Karikhan
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Postby Karikhan » Sat Feb 02, 2002 10:06 am

why ask why is what i say *nod me*

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