monsters we hope to never see
monsters we hope to never see
sentient percentile dice from the plane of irony ("oh, so it's a piece of cake, you need anything over 2, do ya?")
Pattern Baldness mold- this mold shoots a gasseous spray into the air as mode of attack, which causes the sporatic loss of body hair on creatures affected by it
the dreaded Dracochicken
Puff the Magic Dragon
Norkuk the Schizophrenic Orcish Warlord, who has 37 virtually identical personalities.
Mini Giant Vampric Ghoulish Poisonous Acid-spitting Fire-breathing Wingflap-flapping Pigeon
Demon: Napster (steals Bards' songs and gives them to everyone else)
Beach Ball, Chaotic Evil
Rabid Aardvark
Displaced Beast (cousin to the Displacer Beast, but mostly stands around looking lost)
Billy Goat of Armour Eating
Clubby the Baby Seal
The infamous Pink Exploding Chipmunk of Doom
Weregoldfish
Valley Dwarves
A Chocolate Pudding
Gelatinous Shooter (minature version of a Gelatinous Cube flavored with your favorite brand of Alcohol)
Rabid Weiner Dog (Solitary or Packs)
Umpah Lumpahs (A strange offshoot of the gnome race that excels in the art of crafting candy, they have different shades of pastel colored hair and speak only in a sing-song verse)
Gingerbread Men
Half-asslings
Mall Rats
Shambling Mound of Dirty Clothes
Fuzzy Wuzzy Bears
Beavis and Butthead
Dust Bunny of Doom
Shit Monster (From Dogma)
Polka-dot dragon
Tele-tubbies
that taco bell dog
"cheese fries", the incontinent goat
"Spanky" that lovable Half-Ogre / Half-Halfling (quarterling?)
the mime (more dangerous than the mimic)
dire in-law
vile, horrible, Godless Dice which never seem to give you those good rolls
hobbits (those big bad lawyers had something to do with it)
inflatable elf-maiden
Snuggles the Bear
Aprodiaziacal
Lycanthrope: Hamster
Lycanthrope: Chicken
Toe jelly
Care bears (Apparently much too horribly powerful)
Giant teddie bears of uber destruction and atom splitting
Pikachu
Animated cheese
Animated milk
Mr. Winky The Hostile yet Harmless Rabbit
The Sinistar
PC: "Mordiki, where did you say that treasure was locat..."
Sinistar: "BEWARE, I LIVE!!!"
PC: "Oh dear god no!!
The Dreaded Thin Air Monster: "The thin air monster can't strike an individual, be attacked, communicate in anyway, or even have its existence confirmed."
Gnomish Inventor of Polish Inventions
"This is evidence that two wrongs certainly do not make a right."
Face Hugging Wombat
Vicious Rumor
JuJube Zombie- Shambling undead monster, created from the remains of discarded movie theater candy.
McGruff the Crime dog
Cardboard Golem
Wet Willie, the Sloven Salivating Sailor (don't ever close to melee range)
Demon: Greater, Insubstantial
Blinky the Teleporting Imp (that wizard's not schizophrenic after all...)
Masticator (think of a Beholder, but with mouths instead of eyes, each with different foul breath and set of teeth)
Bard, Atonal (he seems pleasant enough until he starts to sing)
Beakers (prone to high-pitched incoherent mumblings and exploding)
Nose Goblins (Steeempie, you eee-diot!)
Ephalumps and Woosels (often found in the vicinity of honeypots and Hallucinating Silly Bears)
Pink Elephants (found near Inebriated Flying Elephants and Circus Mice)
Al Gore:abilities-Power word: sleep
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food lawsuits:
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food Lawsuits spills hot coffee on his lap!
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food Lawsuits sues you!
The party has lost gold:25000
Frenzied Unipede (a centipede with one leg)
Wy-not-vern
Aluminum Foil Dragon
Dopplegangbanger
Velcro Elemental
Possum playing Undead
Misplacer Beast
Humidity Giant
Weredonkey
Dark Keebler Elves
Lag Beast
Shambling Drunkard
Skeleton, Animal - Squirrel
The Sock Monster
Gummi Spider
Earthwyrm
Tann'ari Lesser - Bloody-Minded Donkey from Hell
Dot-con: Intangible creature. You feel the need to give dot-con all your gold pieces until it suddenly dissapears into thin air.
Dot-con CEO: Beware the Dot-con CEO who can spawn Dot-con's by the second. If you manage to defeat a Dot-con CEO you will be awarded with incredible amounts of loot gathered when its Dot-cons disappear. I.e. Private Dragon, Sword-coast Beach Castle.
mystery meat
swedish chefs
Verant employees
near-sighted beholder
polkadot dragon
stinky boots of vomiting
American tourists
that really creepy guy in the supermarket who fondles all the banana's and squeezes the peaches
mike tyson
crap elemental
not-quite-so-giant space hamster
ronald mcdonald
ronald mcdonald's food
richard geer aka "hamster bane"
that tweety bird that you just want to smash with your +2 mace of deep frying
gelatinous jiggler
cross-dressing ogre mage
sausage golem (always gets pestered by the neighbourhood dogs around his master's tower)
gnome with hands in pockets who giggles around women who then slap him and say "Oh, you monster!"
chocolate bunny (hunted to extinction by female adventurers)
dopplegangbanger
jello golem
Barney the Purple Baatezu (Breath attack of Cathode Rays causes fanatic devotion in children and uncontrolable nausea in adults (no save))
Goppledanger: A Dyslexic Doppleganger
Power Rangers: No skills, but spark when you hit them and have more hitpoints than the Tarrasque
Pee Wee Herman: TOO bloody scary...
L33t K|lL3R D0odz
Elven Eco-Terrorist ("So you think you're going to chop some firewood, hmmm? Let's see how you like it!")
Lurking Stump (think of a really fast moving animate low tree stump that trips your party, particularly during crucial moments)
Albino Drow (rather short-lived as they tend to stick out in the Underdark)
Bear, Yogi (smarter than the average Bear, has a tendency to steal party's food and sundries, causes frustration in rangers)
Flying Bat (not the animal, but an animated wooden bat with wings)
Elemental, Pollen (really can't hurt anything, but causes uncontrollable sneezing and watery eyes in most that fight it)
Undead: Platypus (watch out for those spurs on the back legs, even in death they're still venomous)
Carpet, Chaotic Evil (pulls the rug out from under you, literally)
Bill Cosby ("I am King of all the Puddings, Jellies, and Jellos!")
Stick Bug, Ornate (often mistaken for a magic wand, will give a nasty nip to anyone that tries to pick it up)
Llama, Psychic (and you thought they were hard enough to deal with BEFORE they knew what you were thinking)
Magarob the Panic-Depressive Giant (because you never know what to expect, and when you can it's generally not good)
Laden Swallow ("Look out for those coconuts!")
Lycanthrope: Kangaroo ("I'll box your ears off!")
Cyclops, Spitting (can grow to 3-4 times its normal size, only makes attacks every 15 minutes or so, but watch the mess)
Ragged the Flaming Projectile Gerbil ("Armageddon!")
Greater tarrasque
The Five Choatic Evil Female Bards (aka Spice Girls)
Dire Lice
Wild Wheat (Wheat that attacks with an attitude)
Power gnomes
Sir Smurfalot of the Blue League
Hair Elemental
LEGO Golem
Winged Eyeball of Destruction
The dreaded gnome barbarian horde
Cherzra Eat Slime
[This message has been edited by cherzra (edited 04-19-2001).]
Pattern Baldness mold- this mold shoots a gasseous spray into the air as mode of attack, which causes the sporatic loss of body hair on creatures affected by it
the dreaded Dracochicken
Puff the Magic Dragon
Norkuk the Schizophrenic Orcish Warlord, who has 37 virtually identical personalities.
Mini Giant Vampric Ghoulish Poisonous Acid-spitting Fire-breathing Wingflap-flapping Pigeon
Demon: Napster (steals Bards' songs and gives them to everyone else)
Beach Ball, Chaotic Evil
Rabid Aardvark
Displaced Beast (cousin to the Displacer Beast, but mostly stands around looking lost)
Billy Goat of Armour Eating
Clubby the Baby Seal
The infamous Pink Exploding Chipmunk of Doom
Weregoldfish
Valley Dwarves
A Chocolate Pudding
Gelatinous Shooter (minature version of a Gelatinous Cube flavored with your favorite brand of Alcohol)
Rabid Weiner Dog (Solitary or Packs)
Umpah Lumpahs (A strange offshoot of the gnome race that excels in the art of crafting candy, they have different shades of pastel colored hair and speak only in a sing-song verse)
Gingerbread Men
Half-asslings
Mall Rats
Shambling Mound of Dirty Clothes
Fuzzy Wuzzy Bears
Beavis and Butthead
Dust Bunny of Doom
Shit Monster (From Dogma)
Polka-dot dragon
Tele-tubbies
that taco bell dog
"cheese fries", the incontinent goat
"Spanky" that lovable Half-Ogre / Half-Halfling (quarterling?)
the mime (more dangerous than the mimic)
dire in-law
vile, horrible, Godless Dice which never seem to give you those good rolls
hobbits (those big bad lawyers had something to do with it)
inflatable elf-maiden
Snuggles the Bear
Aprodiaziacal
Lycanthrope: Hamster
Lycanthrope: Chicken
Toe jelly
Care bears (Apparently much too horribly powerful)
Giant teddie bears of uber destruction and atom splitting
Pikachu
Animated cheese
Animated milk
Mr. Winky The Hostile yet Harmless Rabbit
The Sinistar
PC: "Mordiki, where did you say that treasure was locat..."
Sinistar: "BEWARE, I LIVE!!!"
PC: "Oh dear god no!!
The Dreaded Thin Air Monster: "The thin air monster can't strike an individual, be attacked, communicate in anyway, or even have its existence confirmed."
Gnomish Inventor of Polish Inventions
"This is evidence that two wrongs certainly do not make a right."
Face Hugging Wombat
Vicious Rumor
JuJube Zombie- Shambling undead monster, created from the remains of discarded movie theater candy.
McGruff the Crime dog
Cardboard Golem
Wet Willie, the Sloven Salivating Sailor (don't ever close to melee range)
Demon: Greater, Insubstantial
Blinky the Teleporting Imp (that wizard's not schizophrenic after all...)
Masticator (think of a Beholder, but with mouths instead of eyes, each with different foul breath and set of teeth)
Bard, Atonal (he seems pleasant enough until he starts to sing)
Beakers (prone to high-pitched incoherent mumblings and exploding)
Nose Goblins (Steeempie, you eee-diot!)
Ephalumps and Woosels (often found in the vicinity of honeypots and Hallucinating Silly Bears)
Pink Elephants (found near Inebriated Flying Elephants and Circus Mice)
Al Gore:abilities-Power word: sleep
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food lawsuits:
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food Lawsuits spills hot coffee on his lap!
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food Lawsuits sues you!
The party has lost gold:25000
Frenzied Unipede (a centipede with one leg)
Wy-not-vern
Aluminum Foil Dragon
Dopplegangbanger
Velcro Elemental
Possum playing Undead
Misplacer Beast
Humidity Giant
Weredonkey
Dark Keebler Elves
Lag Beast
Shambling Drunkard
Skeleton, Animal - Squirrel
The Sock Monster
Gummi Spider
Earthwyrm
Tann'ari Lesser - Bloody-Minded Donkey from Hell
Dot-con: Intangible creature. You feel the need to give dot-con all your gold pieces until it suddenly dissapears into thin air.
Dot-con CEO: Beware the Dot-con CEO who can spawn Dot-con's by the second. If you manage to defeat a Dot-con CEO you will be awarded with incredible amounts of loot gathered when its Dot-cons disappear. I.e. Private Dragon, Sword-coast Beach Castle.
mystery meat
swedish chefs
Verant employees
near-sighted beholder
polkadot dragon
stinky boots of vomiting
American tourists
that really creepy guy in the supermarket who fondles all the banana's and squeezes the peaches
mike tyson
crap elemental
not-quite-so-giant space hamster
ronald mcdonald
ronald mcdonald's food
richard geer aka "hamster bane"
that tweety bird that you just want to smash with your +2 mace of deep frying
gelatinous jiggler
cross-dressing ogre mage
sausage golem (always gets pestered by the neighbourhood dogs around his master's tower)
gnome with hands in pockets who giggles around women who then slap him and say "Oh, you monster!"
chocolate bunny (hunted to extinction by female adventurers)
dopplegangbanger
jello golem
Barney the Purple Baatezu (Breath attack of Cathode Rays causes fanatic devotion in children and uncontrolable nausea in adults (no save))
Goppledanger: A Dyslexic Doppleganger
Power Rangers: No skills, but spark when you hit them and have more hitpoints than the Tarrasque
Pee Wee Herman: TOO bloody scary...
L33t K|lL3R D0odz
Elven Eco-Terrorist ("So you think you're going to chop some firewood, hmmm? Let's see how you like it!")
Lurking Stump (think of a really fast moving animate low tree stump that trips your party, particularly during crucial moments)
Albino Drow (rather short-lived as they tend to stick out in the Underdark)
Bear, Yogi (smarter than the average Bear, has a tendency to steal party's food and sundries, causes frustration in rangers)
Flying Bat (not the animal, but an animated wooden bat with wings)
Elemental, Pollen (really can't hurt anything, but causes uncontrollable sneezing and watery eyes in most that fight it)
Undead: Platypus (watch out for those spurs on the back legs, even in death they're still venomous)
Carpet, Chaotic Evil (pulls the rug out from under you, literally)
Bill Cosby ("I am King of all the Puddings, Jellies, and Jellos!")
Stick Bug, Ornate (often mistaken for a magic wand, will give a nasty nip to anyone that tries to pick it up)
Llama, Psychic (and you thought they were hard enough to deal with BEFORE they knew what you were thinking)
Magarob the Panic-Depressive Giant (because you never know what to expect, and when you can it's generally not good)
Laden Swallow ("Look out for those coconuts!")
Lycanthrope: Kangaroo ("I'll box your ears off!")
Cyclops, Spitting (can grow to 3-4 times its normal size, only makes attacks every 15 minutes or so, but watch the mess)
Ragged the Flaming Projectile Gerbil ("Armageddon!")
Greater tarrasque
The Five Choatic Evil Female Bards (aka Spice Girls)
Dire Lice
Wild Wheat (Wheat that attacks with an attitude)
Power gnomes
Sir Smurfalot of the Blue League
Hair Elemental
LEGO Golem
Winged Eyeball of Destruction
The dreaded gnome barbarian horde
Cherzra Eat Slime
[This message has been edited by cherzra (edited 04-19-2001).]
-
- Sojourner
- Posts: 676
- Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2001 6:01 am
- Location: O' Fallon, MO. USA
- Contact:
Here's a link to the player we hope to never see
http://www.theonion.com/onion3121/billgates.html
------------------
Gindipple (Gnome) stands here.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3121/billgates.html
------------------
Gindipple (Gnome) stands here.
-
- Sojourner
- Posts: 75
- Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2001 6:01 am
- Location: Gloomhaven, Underdark, Faerun
- Contact:
This has got to be the funniest thing I ever read. Did you (Cherz) make this up yourself? Dude... when the game comes up I'm going to hunt you down and wait for you to be funny:P I also liked that post you did where the folks only did stuff that "gave the most plusses" and "anything by TSR" or something like that...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by cherzra:
<B>Beavis and Butthead
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
funny thing is that there are a pair of beavis and butthead mobs which can be loaded. they stand around going "huhuhuhuhuh" and saying "quit it, asswipe!"
--D2
------------------
Yeah, well you're a nazi!
<B>Beavis and Butthead
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
funny thing is that there are a pair of beavis and butthead mobs which can be loaded. they stand around going "huhuhuhuhuh" and saying "quit it, asswipe!"
--D2
------------------
Yeah, well you're a nazi!
Dust bunnies... hrmmm
Reminds me of my chest of 20 Text-based Legends of Infocom. Games like Zork, Zork Zero, Ballyhoo, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Enchanter...
In one of them, there is a room near the beginning of the game inhabited by dust bunnies, and to rid yourself of them you must:
walk carpet
touch bunnies
Cackle.
Twyl
------------------
Not as lost...
<P:std> lost
You are totally and utterly lost! Next time bring a compass!
< 401h/401H 128v/128V >
<P:std> You receive an ornate compass from Twyl.
You give an ornate compass to Twyl.
Reminds me of my chest of 20 Text-based Legends of Infocom. Games like Zork, Zork Zero, Ballyhoo, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Enchanter...
In one of them, there is a room near the beginning of the game inhabited by dust bunnies, and to rid yourself of them you must:
walk carpet
touch bunnies
Cackle.
Twyl
------------------
Not as lost...
<P:std> lost
You are totally and utterly lost! Next time bring a compass!
< 401h/401H 128v/128V >
<P:std> You receive an ornate compass from Twyl.
You give an ornate compass to Twyl.
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