Help no longer needed, thanks :)

Archived discussion from Toril-2.
Ashiwi
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Postby Ashiwi » Sun Apr 29, 2007 1:37 pm

Yarash... the simple answer to your dilemma of above is that the majority of people you meet online are going to be total freaks of nature. They're meeting people online because with their broken personalities they find it difficult to meet and maintain relationships with people in the real world. There are exceptions to the rule, and you will find several of those here in the game, but you will notice that the majority of stable mudders you meet aren't trolling online communities for friends and relationships (see disclaimer below). If you're new to dating and inter-personal relationships, do yourself a serious favor and run like hell from the online communities. You're not experienced enough to cull out the freaks, losers, psychopaths and nutjobs, and every co-dependent, needy, schizoid wackadoo is going to see you coming on their radar from a mile away. You ever see the commercial where the chick starts out nice and ends up standing outside the guy's window in the pouring rain, limned by lightning, screaming "I wanna have your baby!!!"? Yeah, in real life he met her online.




DISCLAIMER: Although it is not as common as my point above, there are healthy relationships that spring from online meetings. I am in no way pointing my finger at any particular person in our community. If you read my post and felt like I was referencing you specifically, please hie thee hither to the nearest clinical psychiatrist for a full evaluation.
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Postby avak » Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:00 pm

hey Ashiwi....wanna hang out?
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Postby Arilin Nydelahar » Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:39 pm

Ashiwi wrote:Yarash... the simple answer to your dilemma of above is that the majority of people you meet online are going to be total freaks of nature. They're meeting people online because with their broken personalities they find it difficult to meet and maintain relationships with people in the real world. There are exceptions to the rule, and you will find several of those here in the game, but you will notice that the majority of stable mudders you meet aren't trolling online communities for friends and relationships (see disclaimer below). If you're new to dating and inter-personal relationships, do yourself a serious favor and run like hell from the online communities. You're not experienced enough to cull out the freaks, losers, psychopaths and nutjobs, and every co-dependent, needy, schizoid wackadoo is going to see you coming on their radar from a mile away. You ever see the commercial where the chick starts out nice and ends up standing outside the guy's window in the pouring rain, limned by lightning, screaming "I wanna have your baby!!!"? Yeah, in real life he met her online.




DISCLAIMER: Although it is not as common as my point above, there are healthy relationships that spring from online meetings. I am in no way pointing my finger at any particular person in our community. If you read my post and felt like I was referencing you specifically, please hie thee hither to the nearest clinical psychiatrist for a full evaluation.


So what you're saying is that night I stood out in the rain was the wrong thing to do?
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Postby Tanji Smanji » Sun Apr 29, 2007 5:24 pm

[quote="Ashiwi"]Yarash... the simple answer to your dilemma of above is that the majority of people you meet online are going to be total freaks of nature. They're meeting people online because with their broken personalities they find it difficult to meet and maintain relationships with people in the real world. There are exceptions to the rule, and you will find several of those here in the game, but you will notice that the majority of stable mudders you meet aren't trolling online communities for friends and relationships (see disclaimer below). If you're new to dating and inter-personal relationships, do yourself a serious favor and run like hell from the online communities. You're not experienced enough to cull out the freaks, losers, psychopaths and nutjobs, and every co-dependent, needy, schizoid wackadoo is going to see you coming on their radar from a mile away. You ever see the commercial where the chick starts out nice and ends up standing outside the guy's window in the pouring rain, limned by lightning, screaming "I wanna have your baby!!!"? Yeah, in real life he met her online.


I am not a psychopath. I just wanna be loved.....or else!
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Postby moritheil » Mon Apr 30, 2007 7:45 pm

I don't feel qualified to comment on most of this thread, but this caught my eye:

Shar wrote:Thilindel's suggestion is a good one, but I'm always pro volunteer work. Not only do you meet lots of people, you get to better your community while bringing yourself out of your shyness shell at the same time. All kinds of places accept volunteer workers. I'd start at the local hospital or community center and ask what they need. Be open to what they say and be careful. This isn't always an easy task to take on and you may end up more emotionally invested than you envisioned after only a brief period of time.


Be aware that working at a hospital can be very draining. Depending on how much blood you see, and how many people you hear screaming that they are going to die, jobs there tend not to have a romantic atmosphere. (Obviously, this varies greatly depending on what you are trying to do and whom you're aiming at - candy stripers are notorious even in this day and age.)

I'm not trying to contradict Shar, just pointing out that it may not be for everyone and you should go about it with your eyes open.
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Postby Sarvis » Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:24 pm

moritheil wrote:Be aware that working at a hospital can be very draining. Depending on how much blood you see, and how many people you hear screaming that they are going to die, jobs there tend not to have a romantic atmosphere.


Clearly you don't watch enough Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy. :P
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Postby Emarin » Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:35 am

Obviously, coming to the subject really really late. (btw, hope everything has been workin out for ya, mike)

I'd say find something that is personal to you, but you can open it up to others. For instance, if you like art.... take an art class, and meet people there. You can find out where to take art classes by typing in google "art class monterey ca" or something like that. The idea tho, is that you can keep to yourself while doing your art project, and when you feel comfortable around others, perhaps then, compliment them on their work and ask them questions. At least, you'll be able to then strike up a conversation, meet that individual and know that you share something in common with that person.

As for finding a girlfriend, I'd do my best to make as many friends as I could first. The girlfriend will come in time, but you want to establish relationships with other people so that you have a clear sense of communication, compromise, and empathy for those around you. Besides, the more friends you make, if they find you to be a genuinely good person, they'll want to introduce you to their single girl friends who are looking for a good guy. I do also want to point out, that I would take this approach b/c if you find a girlfriend first, before a friend, you won't know if that person is taking advantage of you, and playing with your emotions. (some girls are capable of doing that, tho most of us guys and gals like to think that it rarely occurs)

Lastly, give yourself time to find you. Find what you're content with, and then start to push the skin outward trying one thing new and then look to add. The more you get yourself involved with all at once, the more you may find yourself overwhelmed.
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Postby Botef » Wed Jul 25, 2007 8:14 pm

Lots of interesting advice in here, you should all write for Tony Robbins!
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Postby kiryan » Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:40 pm

forget the chicks. go to church. seriously church is good stuff even if you don't believe in god. You'll learn how to love yourself and be happy. Nothing can make you happy except your decision to be happy. Is your glass half full or half empty? Someone said once that you can't love someone else unless you love yourself first. I believe that.

find a job (volunteer or otherwise) and focus on doing a good job. You will develop the skills you need to keep a chick. Most jobs are service oriented so this ought to provide interpersonal interaction and help you to focus on what is important (serving your customer and there is ALWAYS a customer). Since I met my wife, I can tell you the single most important thing I do is to always be thinking of her needs and making sure they are met (and yes I'm a big jerk so I do a lot of extra work).

One caution, be careful not to get your "self esttem" or happiness wrapped up inside of the job. Your not needed necesssary especially skilled or otherwise, your just doing a job. Lots of people ruin their lives because they define themselves through their job. I'm worth more, im a big man at work, everyone likes me or whatever its all fake then it all comes tumbling down. Watch your attitude, keep one of service and you will go far. Get a big head and things will come crashing down.

Don't talk about your personal life at work either, listen to others instead. No one really cares about you and you're giving away information that might hurt you.

Don't hook up with a loser even if you think you are one. whack yourself off in the shower with conditioner if its that bad.

Always use a condom unless you want to put your life on hold and be tied to this loser for 18 years.

Above all, Stay away from loser friends. You seem to be looking for firends, for acceptance, losers are the most likely to offer it to you first. Be nice, but don't get personal.

HOLD OUT FOR A BETTER OFFER

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Postby Tasan » Fri Jul 27, 2007 4:43 pm

kiryan wrote:seriously church is good stuff even if you don't believe in god. You'll learn how to love yourself and be happy. Nothing can make you happy except your decision to be happy.


Church will make you happy, but only if you decide to be happy...

What a great sentiment, *snicker*.

The bottom line is, do things you enjoy and find others who enjoy them as well. It doesn't matter what it is. Oh and if someone does come along, remember that they are an entirely separate person and will see, hear, taste and experience everything differently from you. Don't get short-sighted like I do and assume that what you see is what is really going on.
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Postby Sarvis » Fri Jul 27, 2007 5:04 pm

kiryan wrote:forget the chicks. go to church. seriously church is good stuff even if you don't believe in god. You'll learn how to love yourself and be happy.


Last I heard the church was <i>against</i> loving yourself.

*duck*
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Postby Corth » Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:19 pm

Oof. How about whacking yourself off in the shower with conditioner?1?!!1
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth

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Postby Gormal » Fri Jul 27, 2007 10:08 pm

Jesus got me laid.
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Postby Kifle » Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:27 pm

Gormal wrote:Jesus got me laid.


No, that was the jesus juice.
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Postby kiryan » Fri Aug 03, 2007 12:46 am

conditioner much better than shampoo. shampoo is abrasive, conditioner smooth and silky. best of all as long as you get it all off, no redness or irritation!
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Postby kiryan » Fri Aug 03, 2007 12:49 am

some go to church to learn how to hate themselves, but the message of christ is love for others and yourself. its good stuff mang even if you dont believe in god.

get thee to a church!
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Postby Ambar » Fri Aug 03, 2007 5:32 pm

kiryan wrote:some go to church to learn how to hate themselves, but the message of christ is love for others and yourself. its good stuff mang even if you dont believe in god.

get thee to a church!


Church is definitely not for those who do not believe in *Christ* and .. um .. how can you believe in *christ* but not God?.. thats just silly .. hehe
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Postby Tanji Smanji » Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:36 pm

Hell with church, go to a titty bar. Hope they don't suck in Va beach now cuz I may be back there soon!
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Postby Ambar » Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:35 pm

Tanji Smanji wrote:Hell with church, go to a titty bar. Hope they don't suck in Va beach now cuz I may be back there soon!


o noes!!!!! when?
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Postby daggaz » Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:42 pm

Get a job as a bartender, just make sure its the kind of bar where young people of both sexes like to hang out in... dont work in a dive.

You will make money, you will be forced to overcome shyness and social retardation, you will learn how to talk to people, you will meet a ton of people, you will learn how to chat easily, you will learn to discern between people who are cool, people who are having a rough time, and people who are a complete waste of time, you will be forced to hang around other people your age, and you will most likely make friends. You will also overcome insecurities thru daily positive reinforcement... you will be surprised how easy it is.

While you are doing this, make sure you

a) shower daily, brush and floss your teeth constantly (pay to see an oral hygenist if its been more than 6 months), keep your nails clean, and get a nice hair cut. HYGIENE FIRST!

b) buy some new clothes...nothing crazy fancy, but if it has grease stains on it, throw it out. Be clean and look good, stay with the times. Buy some nice shoes as well. Nothing says loser like old dirty sneakers.

c) start excercizing!!! Serious. Run around the block every day, or better yet, join a gym. Get in shape, look and feel good. While you are at it, get a tan, even if you have to pay for one.

d) keep your house CLEAN! Going to feel confident enough to invite a girl over for coffee (heh heh) after a long saturday night? Not if you live like a pig.


This is coming from the shyest guy you ever met in highschool, with more than enough nerdiness/emotional issues to hold him back for the rest of his life. Now I'm happy, outgoing, charming, sexy, and a king with the ladies. I've got friends around the world, I jet-set, and I'm not even done with my bachelor degree yet. If you've ever read Niel Strauss'es "The Game," I'm what is described as a self-made natural. By the way I recommend that book... it doesnt go into any useful detail, but it will change your viewpoint on a lot of important things.
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Postby Tanji Smanji » Sun Aug 05, 2007 1:28 am

Ambar wrote:
Tanji Smanji wrote:Hell with church, go to a titty bar. Hope they don't suck in Va beach now cuz I may be back there soon!


o noes!!!!! when?


Month or so.
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Postby Raiwen » Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:48 pm

so Mike.. how's the journey going?

Did the CL people turn out to be stable or have you had to change your phone number because of one?

I'll agree with Ashiwi a bit.

I think online communities are a great way to communicate, but they can't replace face-time. Body language, tone of voice, fast wit, and personal chemistry - all those things you can't recreate in an online scene. You have to meet people to truly know if you can get along.

Sharing a meal and a drink is a great way to know someone. It's a rather intimate thing - to have a meal with someone.
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Postby Yarash » Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:50 am

Raiwen wrote:so Mike.. how's the journey going?

I'm engaged :)
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Postby Corth » Sun Aug 19, 2007 4:51 am

Oh boy...
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



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Postby Ragorn » Sun Aug 19, 2007 5:12 am

Four months ago you needed help meeting and talking to people, and now you're engaged?

I don't know you from Adam mate, but it sounds like you need more help now than ever.
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Postby Ambar » Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:42 am

Not one of us who posts here is qualified to judge how long people need before they are ready to be engaged .. People who have known each other mere weeks may be more ready than people who have been together for years ..

Good luck, Mike :) keep us posted :)

Btw a picture with that spanky camera would be great!
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Postby Ragorn » Sun Aug 19, 2007 9:03 pm

Ambar wrote:Not one of us who posts here is qualified to judge how long people need before they are ready to be engaged .. People who have known each other mere weeks may be more ready than people who have been together for years ..

I am. Four months isn't enough, in any case.
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Postby amolol » Mon Aug 20, 2007 10:01 am

hey yarash if you and your girl ever find yourself in oregon let me know and ill hook you up with some damned good grub!!! im also available to cater weddings for very very cheap
i dont know what your problem is, but i bet its hard to pronounce

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Postby Lathander » Mon Aug 20, 2007 11:28 pm

Just make sure to get a pre-nup and don't put her name on your accounts!
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Postby Sarvis » Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:10 am

I've got to agree with Rags. My cousin married a girl really fast like this too, and it turns out she had all kinds of health and financial problems he never knew about. I don't know if he regrets it or not, but pretty much everyone else in his family does...
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Postby Ashiwi » Tue Aug 21, 2007 2:13 am

Dude...

I call dibs on the "I told you so!"

Seriously though... the best of luck to you. And make it a long engagement.
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Re: Help no longer needed, thanks :)

Postby teflor the ranger » Wed Aug 22, 2007 1:08 pm

Yarash wrote:Thank you all for your assistance :) I am no longer seeking advisement on this matter.


Sadly, this confuses me. I also think it's possible that you need more help than you ever have.

Do your due diligence, check out her family, her background. Watch for red flags and most importantly, take your time.
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Re: Help no longer needed, thanks :)

Postby Ambar » Wed Aug 22, 2007 5:20 pm

teflor the ranger wrote:
Yarash wrote:Thank you all for your assistance :) I am no longer seeking advisement on this matter.


Sadly, this confuses me. I also think it's possible that you need more help than you ever have.

Do your due diligence, check out her family, her background. Watch for red flags and most importantly, take your time.


must
not
respond

*grin*
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Postby Birile » Thu Aug 23, 2007 4:05 pm

Cheers! Love is meant to be jumped into with both feet and no reservations, experiencing everything in its most purest form. Most definitely congratulations!
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Postby Sarvis » Thu Aug 23, 2007 5:03 pm

Birile wrote:Cheers! Love is meant to be jumped into with both feet and no reservations, experiencing everything in its most purest form. Most definitely congratulations!


Love, yes. Marriage, not so much. Especially as badly as men get raped in the divorce part when you find out you shouldn't have married her...

Unless you really, REALLY want to support her for the rest of her life even when she makes more money than you!
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Postby Corth » Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:21 pm

Its simple.. You can tell from Yarash's posts in this thread from just a few months ago that he is nowhere near ready for marriage. I can't imagine that the situation has changed so much since then.
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



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Re: Help no longer needed, thanks :)

Postby ssar » Fri Aug 24, 2007 10:42 am

teflor the ranger wrote:Watch for red flags


Yes, and have your Yellow Card..

Image

And Red Card

Image

Both handy at all times.
BEER
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Postby sok » Fri Aug 31, 2007 3:48 am

give us the lowdown on the ....

this is the problem when you dont know enough english cliche.

basically, just tell us what happen and how it came about.

also the how you propose would be nice too.

how much was the ring.

age difference. she have kids, etc.
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Postby Tanji Smanji » Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:21 am

sok wrote:give us the lowdown on the ....

this is the problem when you dont know enough english cliche.

basically, just tell us what happen and how it came about.

also the how you propose would be nice too.

how much was the ring.

age difference. she have kids, etc.



Booty call is the word you're lookin for.
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Postby Lathander » Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:54 pm

Just keep it wrapped! You can get out of a divorce as long as you don't have assets, but if there is a kid, you're finished.

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