Jokes, Funnies.

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ssar
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Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:45 pm

Three Black Men

A couple attending an Art Expo at the National gallery were staring at a portrait which had them totally confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the black men had black penises while the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realised the confused couple were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African American’s in a predominately white petriarcle society. “In fact” He pointed out, “Some serious critics believe that the pink penis reflects the cultural and social oppression expressed by gay men in contemporary society”

After the curator left a Scotsman approached the couple and said “Would you like to know what that paintings really about”.

The couple said ”How would you claim to know more about that painting then the curator of the gallery”. “Because I’m the guy who painted it” he replied. “In fact there’s no African American representation at all, there just 3 Scottish coal miners and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.”
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ssar
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Sat May 10, 2008 9:43 pm

---

Yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison for drink driving.

He was given six months but the police don’t think he will finish his sentence.

---

Q: What has four legs and no ears?

A: Mike Tyson’s dog.

---

A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

---

Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."

Doc: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

Man: "Is it common?"

Doc: "It's not unusual."

---

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

---

I bring out the extra cheese for Rhelath.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Arilin Nydelahar » Sat May 10, 2008 10:09 pm

ssar wrote:---

Yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison for drink driving.

He was given six months but the police don’t think he will finish his sentence.

---

Q: What has four legs and no ears?

A: Mike Tyson’s dog.

---

A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

---

Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."

Doc: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

Man: "Is it common?"

Doc: "It's not unusual."

---

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

---

I bring out the extra cheese for Rhelath.


It's been awhile Grob :P
Shevarash OOC: 'what can I say, I'm attracted to crazy chicks and really short dudes'
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Lathander » Tue May 13, 2008 3:04 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSZMaZQMc24

Accidents and Animal Attacks!!!
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Thu May 15, 2008 8:37 pm

A guy goes into his local hardware store looking for some timber.

He finds the stuff he is after, and says to the assistant, "I'd like some of that timber please."

The assistant asks, "How long would you like it?"

The guy replies, "Oh, I plan to keep it."
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Lathander » Fri May 16, 2008 2:18 am

A husband and wife are shopping at their local Wal-Mart and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:55 pm

Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland.

Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works - he was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time.

Sadly Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart.

One day he failed to come home, his wife contacted the Police to investigate him missing, they rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grappel full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard.

Headlines next day in the Irish Times Newspaper: Oysters Kill Patrick.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:51 am

(This one wouldn't exactly be considered "Politically Correct" by some, and isn't suitable for young children, but it doesn't contain any swear words.)

---

Why did the Pope want World Youth Day at Randwick Racecourse?

'Cause it is the only place you can legally ride a 3 year old.


(FTY - Randwick Racecourse is a premier horse racing course in Australia)
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You know you're Australian if...

Postby ssar » Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:31 am

You know you're Australian if...

1. You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.

10. You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

11. You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.

12.. You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate it's highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

15. You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga', and 'Kurri Kurri' can be abbreviated to 'Kurri', but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

19. You believe that cooked-down axle-grease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. You like hamburgers with Beetroot.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'.

25. You wear ugg boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.

32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

35. You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.
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ssar
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:26 am

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that? I got proof.

What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Kegor » Sun Aug 03, 2008 5:04 pm

A guy walks up to the bartender and says, 'I'll give you $500 if you'll let me piss all over the bar.'

The bartender looks him over curiously for a moment and replies, 'You are serious? Well I guess so, but I am going to want the money up front.'

The guy gives the bartender $500 with a big smile on his face. He pulls out his unit and begins pissing all over the bar stools and the bar. He makes his way over to the Buck Hunter and Golden Tee machines and gives them a quick spray down. Some people look on in dismay while others are laughing thier asses off as he makes his way around the entire bar unleashing the mighty soaking.

Finally, he walks back up to the bar and orders a drink from the still histerical bartender with a big shit eating grin on his face. Wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard, the bartender says, 'What are you smiling about? You just paid me $500 to take a piss.'

The guy laughs once more and tells the bartender, 'Well, I just bet that guy over there at the pool tables $1000 I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it and serve me a drink afterwards!'
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby alendar » Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:26 am

little johnny is the class clown as most of you know....

today in class the teacher says that the class will be discussing careers and what the children's fathers do for a living.

she asks the first little girl ellen what her daddy does for a living. Being a kindergardener ellen doesnt know whats its called but her daddy builds the things that people live in.... Carpenter the teacher says... very good ellen...

she asks the second little boy ross what his daddy does for a living. Being a kindergardener ros doesnt know what its called but his daddy puts those things in the wall you plug lights in and they come on....Electrician the teacher says very good ross...

she goes all around the class, brandon's daddy was a dentist... simons daddy was a barber.... and finally little jonny...

little jonny what does your daddy do for a living....

little jonny sadly says his daddy is dead....

the teacher feeling like a total shit trys to save face and asked well what did he do before he died....

little jonny replied .... TURNED BLUE AND SHIT HIMSELF.
************************************
Alendar -= The Black Ash of the Phoenix =-
************************************
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0612.html
http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantIT ... ipt?SK=244
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:12 pm

The pope travelled to New York for an official papal visit. After disembarking his plane, he was whisked into a gleaming new extra spiffy white (of course) bulletproof stretch limosuine that was just purchased for this very occasion.

The pope, believe it or not, is quite a car buff, and was really impressed with the vehicle. After getting friendly with his chaueffer, he ended up asking if it would be ok for him to drive it a little while. Not being able to say 'no' to the pope, the chauffer pulled over to the side of the highway, and switched places with him.

The pope was driving west on the Long Island Expressway, and making pretty good time. Probably a few MPH over the speed limit, when he got pulled over by a couple of NYPD officers. One of the officers went up the driver's window, saw the pope in full papal gear, turned completely white, and promptly went back to his car without saying a word.

His partner in the awaiting police car was stunned. This was obviously not normal procedure.

"What happened?" asked the partner.

"We can't give this guy a ticket", said the officer.

"Why not?", asked the partner, "Is it the mayor?"

"Bigger than that", said the officer.

"The governor?"

"Bigger than that."

"Its not the president, is it?"

"Well, let me put it this way", said the officer...

"The pope is his chauffer!"
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth

Goddamned slippery mage.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:16 pm

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?

Because he's black!





Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman!
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:23 am

Retirement Plan Investment Tip


If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

This is called the 401Keg Plan
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:18 am

Why didn't Eamon Sullivan win gold in Beijing?

Because he stopped eating rice.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:32 pm

Gonna have to do some research into finding out whats funny about that joke...
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Ragorn » Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:28 pm

He was dating a fellow swimmer named Stephanie Rice. I believe the joke is a stretch to make a connection between that young lady's last name, the location of this year's Olympic Games, and the propensity of Asian people to eat a diet rich in rice.

The breakup was apparently quite a big deal in Australia, which is apparently a country on the bottom of the Earth where toilets flush backwards and pouched animals fight for sport.

Thanks, Wikipedia!
- Ragorn
Shar: Leave the moaning to the people who have real issues to moan about like rangers or newbies.
Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:35 am

Aussie mayor urges unattractive women to move into town
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id ... _article=1

You better watch out Ssar.. I heard Mystra was packing her bags!
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:41 am

Image
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby daggaz » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:45 pm

So this pirate walks into a bar, with the ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants, and orders a drink.

The bartender looks up and says, "Uhh... you know, you got a steering wheel stuck to the front of your pants there..."

To which the pirate responds, "Yarrr, I know. It's drivin' me nuts!"
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Thu Aug 28, 2008 7:33 pm

The olympics!
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:08 pm

On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.

The Republican spokesman replied, "That's because McCain's supporters are at work."
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Ragorn » Sun Sep 21, 2008 4:15 am

Adriorn Darkcloak wrote:On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.

The Republican spokesman replied, "The nursing homes don't let them out without permission."

Fixed that for ya.
- Ragorn
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Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Gormal » Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:26 pm

It was a race between Sarvis and Ragorn... Good job, Joe.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby amena wolfsnarl » Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:35 pm

The movie of the year


ATT00254[1][1].JPG
ATT00254[1][1].JPG (96.2 KiB) Viewed 4481 times
Dugmaren tells you 'Welcome to Canada, don't blame us if you're stupid enough to get eaten by the wild life'
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby amena wolfsnarl » Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:29 pm

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2! .) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the a ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin! , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Botef » Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:20 pm

two tall trees are hanging out in a forest, one looks down to notice a sapling. and he says to the other tall tree, "hey, is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" and the second tree says, "i don't know, i can't see that far down." a couple of days go by... the first tree says to the second tree, "i really must know, is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" the second tree replies that he still can't tell. presently a woodpecker arrives. the trees entreat the woodpecker, "hello woodpecker, is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" the woodpecker says, "i don't know but i plan to find out." so the woodpecker dives under the foliage of the lesser trees, he's gone for a minute or so and then he returns. the trees say, "so which is it, a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" and the woodpecker says: "that was the best piece of ash i ever stuck my pecker into!"
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Fri May 15, 2009 12:30 pm

Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar.
It was tense.

---

News just in: Cronulla Sharks legend David Peachy's alleged involvement in the 2002 Auckland incident has been downgraded as no evidence of sexual misconduct exists - his fingerprints were found on the windowframe, leaving only the subsequent lesser charge of stealing a television.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 15, 2009 1:02 pm

Uhhhh.... maybe I should google that.
- Ragorn
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Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Fri May 15, 2009 1:26 pm

But really.. do you WANT to google that?

Image
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
Corth
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Fri May 29, 2009 4:54 pm

Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Sarvis » Fri May 29, 2009 4:58 pm

Corth wrote:http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1189232/Desmond-Hatchett-fathers-21-children-11-different-women--hes-29.html

This guy is my hero.


...
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby oteb » Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:38 pm

You group-say 'who is da red shape?'
A red shape group-says 'I'm a shape'
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:41 pm

Good joke I heard recently:

Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Kifle » Sat Oct 31, 2009 6:15 pm

That's not a joke, it's an embarrassment.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Ragorn » Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:00 am

Adriorn Darkcloak wrote:Good joke I heard recently:

Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Your president started wars for no reason.

Our wins Nobel Peace Prizes.

LOLOL :)
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:40 pm

Image
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Kifle » Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:50 pm

I don't see why republicans are upset about this. "Winning" that prize only did two things: trivialized what the prize means and trivialized what Obama is attempting to do. I have no idea what those crazy Europeans were thinking.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Corth » Mon Nov 02, 2009 12:35 am

Yeah seriously. I'm guessing he was severely annoyed by winning the nobel prize. Every subsequent news article on it focused on the fact that he hasn't done anything yet. Not exactly what a sitting president wants as the topic of conversation.

What were the Europeans trying to do? Demonstrate their political support for a leftist US administration.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:28 am

Oh not upset, Kifle. I think its hilarious. It finally shows how totally political and meaningless the Peace prize is. Those in the academic community already knew that about the Literature one.

It's sad. The Nobel prize name could have been something truly meaningful and grand.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Ragorn » Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:41 pm

1) Nobody has any idea why Obama won the peace prize. I think it's hilarious, because the Republicans are frothing at the mouths about it and nobody else really cares. I don't think he deserved it. Nobody thinks he deserved it. At the time he was nominated, the only qualification he had was "he's not George W. Bush." Although, considering W's record on international diplomacy, that might almost be worth a peace prize by itself.

2) What's far more interesting is to watch Republicans begin trivializing the prize itself. This is a strategy pretty consistent with Republican dogma... whenever a liberal achieves an award of importance, the conservative response is to attack the award or the establishment which provides it. Doesn't really matter what the award is, whether it's something as insignificant as Time's Person of the Year or as noteworthy as the Purple Heart or Silver Star. Republicans just can't stand watching Democrats succeed. It provokes some kind of insane response, to the point where American citizens whose entire political platform revolves around SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS begin wearing band-aids mocking soldiers who were injured in the line of duty.

Go on, tell me more about how the Nobel Prize committee is bought and paid for by the liberal agena because they award prizes to damn liberal scientists instead of good fundamental Christian soliders :D
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:54 pm

Actually no, Ragorn. It's not when a liberal wins an award, seeing as how most scientists who have won the various Science Nobels were probably of the liberal perspective. The prizes for the Sciences and the associated one for Economics seem to be pretty good non-political prizes, as far as I know or have been able to find. They seem to be truly based on merit and accomplishment, rather than for being a Leftist. And sure, they have had their share of problems and controversies, but more of the scientific kind. You can check for yourself all the controversies surrounding winners and especially, non-nominees, of the Nobel Prize in Literature. Check out Jorge Luis Borges especially. Of the Peace prize one need only look at the last 6 or 7 "winners".

Or, if you want it easier, you can check what the head of the Nobel committee, Gunnar Berge, said about Jimmy Carter being nominated for, and later receiving the Peace prize: "With the position Carter has taken on this [Iraq], it can and must also be seen as criticism of the line the current U.S. administration has taken on Iraq." (awesome)

Heck, if they want to change the description of the prize, and have it only be for Leftists, that's cool. But no, I don't think we're trivializing anything that doesn't deserve to be. Much like you're trying to trivialize our criticism of it.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Sarvis » Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:50 pm

Adriorn Darkcloak wrote:Actually no, Ragorn. It's not when a liberal wins an award, seeing as how most scientists who have won the various Science Nobels were probably of the liberal perspective.


Oh please. "We don't trivialize prizes Liberals win because when these _possible_ liberals no one has ever heard of win we don't!"

How about an _actual_ defense? Maybe some examples of where you've let an actual politician get a prize without trivializing it? No one cares what random scientists win, hell no one cares what authors win. You're trivializing the prize because OBAMA got it.


Hell, 3 years ago you probably wouldn't have cared either because he wouldn't have been important enough to attack.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Pril » Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:16 am

Sarvis wrote:
Adriorn Darkcloak wrote:Actually no, Ragorn. It's not when a liberal wins an award, seeing as how most scientists who have won the various Science Nobels were probably of the liberal perspective.


Oh please. "We don't trivialize prizes Liberals win because when these _possible_ liberals no one has ever heard of win we don't!"

How about an _actual_ defense? Maybe some examples of where you've let an actual politician get a prize without trivializing it? No one cares what random scientists win, hell no one cares what authors win. You're trivializing the prize because OBAMA got it.


Hell, 3 years ago you probably wouldn't have cared either because he wouldn't have been important enough to attack.


Sarvis the prize is being trivialized because it isn't being given out for anything. It's like in elementary school when everyone would win the first place ribbon, the stupid thing didn't mean anything. If you give something like the nobel prize out for nothing noteworthy then yes the prize itself gets trivialized. Had Bush gotten the prize we would be up in arms as well but he didn't because he didn't deserve it. Obama doesn't deserve it and he got it which takes away from the significance of the prize.

Martin Luther King received the prize in 1964. Was he a liberal? Yes. Do we question it no. Here's the real question for you: How can you compare the accomplishments of Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mendela, or the UN Peace keeping forces to what Obama has "done"?
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:26 am

Sarvis wrote:How about an _actual_ defense? Maybe some examples of where you've let an actual politician get a prize without trivializing it? No one cares what random scientists win, hell no one cares what authors win. You're trivializing the prize because OBAMA got it.


Hell, 3 years ago you probably wouldn't have cared either because he wouldn't have been important enough to attack.


#1 Oscar Arias Sanchez, President of Costa Rica, Peace Prize winner in the late 80s. Liberal. Well deserved, applauded.
Claude Pepper, Senator/Representative here in Florida. Democrat, Liberal. Campaigned a lot for the elderly. Applauded, hell I even went to a speech he gave down here. Presidential Medal of Freedom, Laid in State.

#2 I'm trivializing the prize because:

1992 - Rigoberta Menchú (commie, liar, fraud)
2001 - Kofi Annan
2002 - Jimmy Carter
2007 - Al Gore, et al. (haha)
2009 - Obama

These, off the top of my head, but more in the pile in recent years. And literature is just laughable. If you want to keep believing what you said...
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:00 pm

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?'
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...... .. .

'Bastards won't let me fart.'
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:03 pm

IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry – just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers! '

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy – I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby avak » Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:19 pm

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He got his gas bill.
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Re: Jokes, Funnies.

Postby ssar » Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:00 pm

After crashing his car into a fire hydrant, Tiger Woods is slumped injured at the wheel.
The police arrive and say, 'Don't worry, a red cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'
Oh no,' groaned Tiger, 'Couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'

---

Policeman: 'Why were you driving on the sidewalk?'
Tiger Woods: 'It's too dangerous on the street.'

---

Policeman: 'How can you drive so recklessly?'
Tiger Woods: 'I have to, this is a getaway car.'

---

Police Officer: 'Why are you driving in a bathing suit?'
Tiger Woods: 'I'm in a car pool.'

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