I couldn't find this anywhere on the BBS, so here's a repost(NOTE: I am NOT the author :-)
The following is a story told from Grev's POV of what most likely would happen
when geeky mudders go to a convention! It is 100% fictional and since I use no
real names I think I am clear from legal action! 3nj0y!
The tension in the goodie hotel room was palpable as we five heroes prepared to
do battle with the evils we had sought so long.
I stood in front of the mirror and adjusted my name tag that read 'A Dwarf'. I
had let my beard grow out for two weeks in anticipation for this day. My 6'2"
frame was less than conducive to my role playing. After pondering a moment I
added "(medium)" onto my name tag.
Aethia was resting on the corner of the bed stroking the small round stone in
her hand. She had put tape over the name of her pet rock so it read 'earth
elemental'. She didn't really talk much. I figured that was because she was
afraid of Silverast ogling her and constantly making passes at her.
Our silver-haired sorcerer had spray painted his hair to match his character's
color. It was now plastered to his head in a stiff silver mess. The ear
extensions i think were leftovers from a star trek convention but they worked
well enough i guess. He clutched a copy of Encyclopedia Britannica, Volume 'A'
in his arms, wrapped in a brown paper bag from a local supermarket as his spell
book. His lusting gaze was constantly shifting from Aethia to Vispa's chest. (He
really had a thing for her chest.)
Vispa looked up from her enormous bong she was using as Ambran and frowned at
"Where did Daq go?" She asked me. "Its almost night we should spell up soon."
"He ran to the ice machine to restock for the fight. He'll be right back" I
Vispa nodded and resumed filling the four-foot-long metal bong with weed. As
soon as Daq returned we got stoned up and Vispa quaffed what I assumed was a
haste potion from how quickly she started talking and moving afterwards.
With that we set out down the dark hallway, (looking very heroic I might add).
After bursting in on a banquet and a wedding reception we finally found the
right room. Crouched in the far shadowed corner were five evils! (At least those
twinks brought even numbers.) As we entered the room they all stood and circled
to face us I was amazed at how like their respective races they looked.
Taranno must have weighed at least four-hundred pounds of sweating rolls and
massive skin flaws. Fren's trollish face was covered in large hairy warts and
acne that accented the large hump beneath his tattered tunic.
I glanced to their githyanki who had his face painted half white and half green
in keeping with how giths 'look' on Duris. The distant look in Squint's eyes
proved they had stoned themselves as well before this fight. I had hoped that
they might forget to spell up, this being real life now and all.
Orthaz was there, lurking behind the others. A faint hum could be heard from the
grey vibrator in one of his hands which I assumed was the fearsome Bloodfeast.
In his opposite hand he clutched a red Swiss army knife, its chipped blade
glinting in the low light.
Their drow huddled behind Taranno's massive body, clutching a trident fashioned
from a broom handle and tin foil.
'Fah! They have multiple artifacts!' I cursed inside my head.
The drows pale white skin disproved the rumor of their dark complexions. It was
plainly obvious that this pathetic being had never seen the light of day.
"Target one point human!" Golrith shrieked to the other while prodding Tar with
Squint furrowed his brow in intense concentration and directed his beady eyes
towards Vispa, trying to will detonate. Her Ambran must have absorbed his spell
as she merely swung the mighty weapon at the frail githyanki.
Squint collapsed in a heap on the ground and Golrith began applying bandages to
Squint's wounded forehead.
The huge ogre glanced at Vispa and unleashed what must have been a new innate
given to ogres before the fight unbeknownst to us! A loud rumbling roar exploded
from him and the room filled with an incredibly noxious invisible gas.
I cursed myself for not having protted for this type of attack and gagged
against my 'I survived Neg' t-shirt.
Orthaz maneuvered around and tried to stab me the in back, but Daq came to my
rescue. He began hurling his iceballs which he had gathered earlier at Orthaz
until one struck him in the eye. The orc reeled backwards screaming in a shrill
voice and Daq grinned wide and slipped in a pool of ice water that had formed at
his feet, and fell.
Silverast decided to attack Fren's trollish weakness with some fireballs. He
proceed to light and fling wooden matches at him. A lucky shot managed to set
his sleeve ablaze, and the troll fell to the floor rolling about screaming.
Taranno quickly rescued his friend from the assault and sent Silverast crashing
into the wall with a fearsome kick form his massive foot. The fight began to
turn as I began to loose blood from a few stabs from Orthaz and Vispa began to
get worn down by the two warriors despite her artifact keeping her stoned. Daq's
iceballs had little effect on Fren and Tar, and they just ignored his onslaught
Then Silverast regained consciousness and staggered back to his feet. Then, in a
terrible irony, he flashed back to his Sojourn days and produced a bottle of
kerosene with cloth wick. He lit the makeshift spell component and hurled it
towards the evils yelling "INFERNO!"
The flames quickly engulfed them, and terribly began to race towards us. I must
have forgotten to turn off my wimpy as my frayed jeans caught fire and I began
to flee around the hotel, swatting at the rising flames.
The doctors say I will heal up in a few weeks. In the meantime I have ordered
them to keep me on a strict diet of holy water and iron rations. What do you say
evils? Same time next year?
Share your original RP stories here.
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